It's funny how the universe works. The last couple of times that I'd been feeling pretty low, someone from my past resurfaced. All three times, it knocked me back into place, into focus. It makes me wonder if I'm just more tuned into the universe to actually notice these signs, or if something is watching out for me. I'm more inclined to think it's the former. Rereading the pages of my life, I've noticed that there were other signs that I completely missed.

One of the biggest lessons that I've learned is that when the doors of life seem to be slamming shut around you, there is ALWAYS another way. You just need to open your eyes and be ready for anything. It may not be what you want, but it's most likely what you need.

I feel like I'm on the verge of another chapter. I have this feeling that this one is going to end soon, and my life is going to change and go in a completely different direction. I'm thinking that as soon as I'm ready to accept whatever it is, then it will happen.

What if we made unemployment compensation a loan?

The longer or more you've worked the higher the limit on the loan. Then you have to start paying it back after so long. You can pay it back through direct payments or through your tax refunds from the future.

That way someone in their 40s who gets laid off has 20+ years built up. If it takes them a year or two to get new job skills or whatever to be able to find a new position, then they can pay it back through their taxes - just have a little bit more withheld than would be normally.

Would people be so dependent on it then? Would they work harder to get off it?

What a wonderful day today. The sun is out, no clouds in the sky, and the air is so fresh.

I woke up nicely today. There was no crankiness. Odie only whined once and then he let me sleep in till 5:30.

So yesterday I took a personal day. I'm very pleased with myself. I was able to get the entire dining room and new hallway sanded and then the final touch ups of mud on. I also went shopping and bought some new clothes for my husband. Found a lot of really good deals - that made me very happy. He was down to one pair of jeans that didn't have the knees ripped out and the soles on his shoes were so thin that you could poke a hole through them. I found 6 shirts, 4 pairs of pants, shoes, and some socks. AND I earned $40 in Kohls cash, so now I can go and get something for myself :)

We also went out to Samba last night for my in-law's wedding anniversary. It was a very enjoyable experience. The place is beautifully decorated in such rich colors and they had an amazing band. Usually when there's live music it's too loud, but it was perfect and really added to the whole thing. The building used to be the Women's Club of Madison and they have quite a few plaques and pictures on the walls telling you all about it. Really nice.

I think the real cause of my insane happiness is that I got on the scale and it said 138. The reason this is so awesome is because I haven't seen that number in over a year. It's embarrassing, but I've gained a lot a weight since I met my husband 8 years ago. I used to be 110 pounds and very nicely toned. When I moved to Madison and took a desk job, all my muscle went to flub and I just couldn't find anyway to get motivated. Last year at Christmas I was 145. I bought a treadmill and used it through tax season. However the constant eating out and extra stress countered it.

On April 16 I decided that enough was enough and I was going to start living a healthier life style. Hubby and I started paying more attention to what we were putting in our mouths, and we're reading through the ingredient lists more carefully now (it's frightening how many things have high fructose corn syrup) and eating way more fresh veggies. Soda was nixed a long time ago, but I still have an addiction to coffee. That wouldn't be so bad, but I'm a wimp and need cream and sugar.

I've also been focusing on what I'm really hungry for when I get cravings, and I try and find what my body needs instead of just eating until my body says it got what it wanted. Portion control has been another big help. I kept finding articles about eating until your not hungry anymore. Not necessarily when you're full, but when you're not hungry. It took a little while to get that sensation figured out. I get teased a bit at dinner because I eat slower, but I don't get the stomach aches like I used to.

Thinking about it, the biggest motivator is fear. I don't want to end up like my mom. She was 56 when she had open heart surgery - single bypass. This was an eye opener for all of us. We (my brother and I) never knew how prevalent Heart Disease is in our family. I never put two and two together. Karl is doing very well. I think he dropped at least 50lbs and looks like he did when when I was living in Minneapolis. He also seems happier. Sometimes I think about finding a different job - one where I actually move. I love accounting and where I work, but if I can't find some way to get the exercise, I might need to.

I am pretty proud of myself. I've been able to change some of my bad habits and stick with my new ones. I've lost 7 pounds since April. I know it's slow, but it's still progress.

From everything that I've heard about this story, it sounds like the only one being racist is the black guy.

I would be thankful if someone called the police if they thought someone was trying to break into my house. Then we would laugh about it later...."remember that time you called the cops?"

Instead this "professor" instantly calls out racism. Isn't he the one using that card? No one else even cared that he was black. He was being a jerk to the officer, so the officer arrested him. And then they let the charges drop. If this was some Joe Schmoe on the street, they wouldn't be let off. I use the quotes for professor because that title would give someone the idea that he's educated. Apparently he doesn't know when HE'S being racist.

Or maybe he has something to hide and he's trying to throw people off. Hmm...

But seriously, I don't get it. Until people stop defining themselves as Black/Asian/Hispanic...there will always be racism. It sucks that there's Black History month. What about White History month? or Asian History month? Why do the blacks get to be special? If you say because they were slaves, then we should definitely have a Jew celebration day, and a Women's day too.

I remember learning in grade school about the "Great Melting Pot" idea. Once you got thrown into the pot, you were no longer an outsider, you were an American. What ever happened to that? I don't treat people differently because they look different. I do treat them different if they ACT different. If you're a jerk to me, then you're a jerk! It doesn't matter what color you are or where you came from.

I admit it, I'm angry and scared by what's happening in the world.

I'm angry because so many people want and want and take and take. They want everything for free. There is no such thing as free...meaning if you get something for free, someone somewhere has to cover the cost. So every time you take more than you should, the next person gets shit on. I guess I'm mixed. I feel that if we all work together and all take a small hit, then everyone can be happy, but then I also feel that you should get what you work for. If you don't work for it, you shouldn't get it. You didn't earn it. I guess it just irritates me when you see people with their hand out who then scoff at what you offer them. Maybe that's what it is. If you're begging (demanding that you should get something just because you're breathing), then you should not be angry at what is given to you. If you are not begging (meaning you actually worked for it), then you should get what ever you earned.

It also irritates me that the unemployed are whining. I get that they need a job and some of them are probably actively job hunting, interviewing, really making the effort. However, I see SO MANY people who are unemployed and the only reason they go out of the house is to stand in line for their UE check. What if these people were out volunteering. There are so many places that need the free help. I know the humane societies need help with the animals that they rescue. There are plenty of parks, roads, things that need to get cleaned and maintained. Yeah, the work sucks, but now the person is giving to the community AND they're beefing up their resume. If I was HR, I would rather hire someone who was volunteering and getting "out there" instead of someone who sat on his ass all day playing video games. Plus, helping people will get you more exposure to people - networking! Meanwhile businesses get screwed - DWD raised the amount of taxable payroll. Granted it's only $1500 more per employee, but if you've got 10 employees (and I've seen as high as 9% rates) that's an extra $15,000 in taxable payroll - ouch!!

I'm scared because people can be so volatile. I'm wondering if people are going to start actively hurting each other. There is so much jealousy and greed right now. No matter what it is - car, TV, house, salary, benefits, lifestyle - everyone wants what their neighbor has. Are they going to start taking it?

There have been more robberies and break ins in Madison. I'm truly amazed at how common a bank robbery is here. It was almost unheard of in Rapids. But there it is...people getting desperate...so they take.

So I can cross another thing off my Life-Time To Do list

I finally made it to an Offspring concert. We left Friday afternoon and drove the 4 hours to St. Paul. The concert was at 6:30 and we got there in plenty of time. The first band was just awful. I can't even remember the name of them. Second was Drop Kick Murphys, which I thought were better, but still awful. Both of the bands had shitty sound guys. Or maybe the bands just sucked. Could be either. Offspring finally went on around 9:30 - I think. They sounded much better although one of the guitarists seem to have had a lot of feedback from his amp. It was a pretty decent show after they started.

I can't believe how old they are. Still love them though. My brother got me started on them in high school. I had an offer of free tickets when I lived in Minneapolis, but I didn't want to go by myself. When I heard they were touring again, I decided I wasn't going to miss this one too.

Drove back home at 7 am on Saturday. Very exhausting 24 hours. Happy now.

I don't get it. Why do people go around saying that they can't pay their bills, that they're going under, but then still shell out $7 for Chinese takeout at least once a week. That's at least $300 a year on one meal. That's bullshit. If you have creditors calling you, you shouldn't be eating fancy meals or drinking Starbucks until you get your shit paid off. Otherwise that is stealing. If you think about it, you received a service or an item that you are not paying for. That is stealing, just deferred.

AND if you have food stamps, don't you dare go and buy chips or soda or cookies. It makes me so angry when you see people use their food stamps (taxpayer money) to buy junk food and then use their money to buy alcohol. If you can't afford to buy basic, healthy food to feed your family you sure as hell can't afford to buy luxury items. A bag full of oranges costs less than a bag of chips.

I hate the American "I'm entitled to all this great stuff, but shouldn't have to work for it" attitude.

I see so many people that think they are such awesome employees that the employer should be the one out scouting for them. They don't even try at job hunting. Or if they do get the job, they think that they can just do what ever they please. Show up 20 minutes late every day, call in sick once a week, take their time doing projects, not listening to instructions or learning procedures. But all hell lets loose if they don't get their 40 hours. Really? I wish I had the balls to be such a shitty employee and then demand that I get full benefits. How do they sleep at night?